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Hello everyone.  I am not married and I know that that there are issues even more serious; however I am in a courtship with someone whom I lovevery much.  He is very sweet and very friendly to EVERYONE lol.  When we first started dating I asked him about his past relationships and was already aware that he was married before at a young age.  We are both in our mid-twenties and active members of our church.  Prior to pursuing me he was "talking"to another female member, and claims that although they were once interested in each other, they decided to be just friends. When we first started dating, he would mention her name quite frequently and I questioned how often they spoke to each other and again the extent of their friendship. They both like to joke around which is something that connects them quite frequently. I also believe since they both were goingthrough marital problems around the same time they connected in this way as well.

 I've grown up withthe female friend for most of my life and have never been as close to her as hehas in the few years my boyfriend has joined the church.  I made it clear in the beginning that youhave to be careful of how you interact with the opposite sex especially whenyou offer your attention to them.  Hetook heed and didn't communicate with her on that level any more texting orcalling.  I believe he has kept his distancein this way, however, she texts him once in a while I believe.

My main issue is something that happened recently afterservice.  The female friend does not comeconsistently to our church, but every time she is there she comes up to himafter service to have a personal conversation. She usually waits till I’m away from him. If I said it didn't bother metremendously, I would be lying.  This is what they use to do when I was not in the picture.  This last time I came to him and I'll admit I knew she would be making her way to him eventually so I stuck close by for thevery first time.  I said hello to her and so did she and made her way around me to talk to him.....and opened the conversation with "I have a birthday present for you" (he recentlycelebrated a birthday) Of course the wheels were turning in my head.  It happens that she wanted him to fix her PC that she brought with her.  She then asked why he never told her that his new job was 15mins away from where shelived.  I already knew that of course,but that's where my trust for him comes in. While they are talking though, she never acknowledges me there and neither did he.  Somehow I left the conversation after a while even when I made a couple of unacknowledged comments.  When I told him I felt that is was very disrespectful, he claimed that I made him feel awkward and that I was babysitting.  He said that our conversation was over and that he didn't know why I was still there, which he later claimed that I was there just because of her. I told him you should not have left me out of the conversation especially how you know how I feel aboutyour friendship.  He responded by saying whywould he include me when he knows how I feel about her talking to him. Hepurposely ignored me and I feel like he showed her that no matter what status heis in, he will always be there for her regardless of how I feel.

To say that I’m hurt is beyond the word.  I feel like he continues to put someone else’sfeeling before mine, the one he plans on marrying. If she ever tried to speak toboth of us instead of making it seem like she is only there for him, I think Iwould be able to stomach it more.  He doesn’tsee anything wrong with it, nor any remnants of disrespect or flirting.  The more I bring it up the more ourrelationship is damaged and I look like the crazy one who completely doesn’tlike ANY female getting close to him.  Ifeel like a true woman of God would know that interfering in a relationshiplike that is wrong.  He told me that if Ihave a problem I should say something to her. I think he should put his footdown. Please believe me, I’m not saying that anyone is untouchable but if weare to have a ministry together, he needs to think clearly of the potentialdangers of allowing a woman who is not his wife to be that close.  I know the Holy Spirit is revealing things tome about my own trust issues, but this is just ridiculous and embarrassing forme every time she has his attention like this. I feel like I want to walk away because I could not handle this if I was married. 

I’m 26 years old, beautifully saved, a beautiful woman,virtuous, chaste, educated, career goals…. And I just feel like I’m being takenfor granted.  He has been married and it left him emotional bruised (I’m sure there are two sides to the story) but I’malways encouraging and helpful.  We are now in counseling and I kinda feel that the my Pastor is biased becasue he just so happens to be related to this partilar female (small church). I was told that they are just friiends and made to seem like I was making this stuff up.  This female friend issue ispretty much the main issue right now and only comes up primarily when it involves her, the biggest blows to our relationship. Both of us can walk away from this relationship, but I believe this is who God has given me as myhusband and not trying to lean unto my own understanding and God forgive me ifI am.  Is He showing me signs to getstraight prior to marriage or is he telling me to RUN! lol

(Sorry for the typos ie. crossroad):)