Christian Community Networking

  Dr. Pamela Thompson

Why Don’t Black Men and Women Dance with Each Other Any More?

I recently started taking a ballroom dancing class back in January, and my original experimental interest has morphed into full-blown commitment to learning this art. I was fortunate to happen upon a ballroom dancing club known as KADTS (www.kadtsreallydance.com) in an area of Atlanta known as the West End—one of the last places you’d expect to find ballroom dancing. T. James, the owner and instructor is a patient and gentle (yet firm) African American instructor whose commitment to dance is infectious and fun. He also happens to be a serious follower of Christ and a Bible teacher, so it was quite a bonus for me to discover that he is also my brother in Christ and has a vision for launching dance as a ministry in area churches. He’s cultivated a lovely “family” of the regulars from all walks of life and all ages who come to enjoy dance just for the sake of dance while welcoming newcomers and supporting each other’s growth. T James has figured out a way to maneuver around the challenge of getting Black men engaged in this once common pastime of yesteryear—something that White ballroom dance clubs would have no need to do. So, T James and whatever men are present fill in the gap sometimes by rotating themselves among various partners when the women outnumber the men, which happens frequently. So I ask, “Where are our men?”

When I had the opportunity to dance at a White ballroom dance club several weeks ago, I hardly sat down the whole night. As the “new girl” in this sport/art, I was often lost and FULLY dependent on my dance partner to see me through it with a firm lead. The concept of following by the way, for a recovering member of the mythical “Strong Black Women Club” is not something I do naturally, so dance helps me further embrace the concept of Godly submission. Anyway, there were an abundance of men who routinely came over to the tables where the KADTS members sat to gingerly grasp our hands and invite us to dance—the salsa, the cha-cha, the foxtrot, the tango, the waltz, the west coast swing, the ramba, just to name a few. A 30 year old Japanese guy was likely to be dancing with a 70 year old Black woman at this event because it was all about the DANCE—not appearance, sex appeal, or the chance of “hooking up” after the dance. It was just good, clean, innocent fun! After that night I pondered, what has happened in the Black community that heterosexual women commonly dance with each other now, usually in groups that crowd the floor on a favorite song or the old stand-by, The Electric Slide, while boyfriends and husbands sit on the sidelines? By the way, this happens in all age groups now from the teenage years to mid-life, and I have been puzzled by this phenomenon for years. Historically speaking, if we as a people didn’t do anything else, we DANCED—when times were hard, lean, and oppressive. I recall still dancing with boys and men routinely when I was in high school (late 70s to early 80s) and college (early- to-mid 80s) and shortly thereafter. Then, without notice or fanfare, it seems the lights went out, and the party or shall we say the JOY in us that propelled us to “cut a rug,” as the old folks say, was over. What the heck happened?

I’ve been doing a people poll on this issue with Black men I know, including my dear husband, and it seems that dance in our culture has become only a temporary means to an end, a sort of foreplay or instrument of courtship ONLY. It also seems Black men are mortified by the thought of how they may be viewed by other men (as in soft? uncool?) or other women (uncoordinated? not in control?). In fact I’ll venture to say that a dancing man or least one who tries, can probably have his pick of women, and women will be grateful that he even tried. THEN, he’d be the envy of all the men too “scerd” (as Oprah says) to get in the ring. All I know is we’re missing out on a lot of fun as well as opportunities to experience non-sexual, gentle, chivalrous touch that conveys respect for the opposite-sex partner and has the potential to create a more comfortable, caring space/dialogue between the sexes. I think Black male-female relationships are long overdue for such. It seems that the timeframe for when we stopped dancing coincides with the rise of “gangsta” rap that demeans women and narrows our relationships to those of violence and sexual exploits only. Can we just dance again? Is that too much to ask? What say you? (See video-clip below of one of my first Salsa lessons with my instructor)

Video-Clip                                                                                                         

By Dr. Pamela Thompson

http://www.drpamthompson.com/